Boys played outside in the sand all afternoon...it's such a great playground. They have been building fort, playing with trucks, digging, talking, singing, laughing, and of course, fighting!...full of energy and life...(I wish I had that much energy). I called them in, talked about dealing with each other in a peaceful manner and help(build) each other instead of doing things against...they said "yes" and then off went back to play.......Often I wonder how much they really understand what I'm saying by their heart....because it is not about just fixing their behaviors, the heart matters...We have been really trying to teach them about that...We just cannot do it by ourselves...we need God's help...
Some days are really challenging, I'm frustrated and upset, I am missing the moments I should be enjoying...there are angry words, hurtful reactions, and time outs and lost privileges...endless training and discipline...they think I'm "the meanest Mommy".... Sometimes I feel like I cannot wait day to be over....especially Caleb has been really a challenge these days...but what I feel is not what it is...often I am blinded and focused on the wrong thing...my feelings are not eternal ...my boys are eternal...often I fail to see what is really important and I only see the boys the way I want to see them..that is not what I want...not the way God wants me to love them and nurture them...Oh how they reflect our own ugly heart sometimes....
I love them not because they are great, I love them no matter what the way they are....I need God's grace every minute..and pray that they know by heart that we love them....
"Men did not love Rome because she was great. She was great because they had loved her."



























































